Dean Winchester (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hasperkynipples) wrote2009-10-31 03:35 pm
hasperkynipples) wrote2009-10-31 03:35 pm
then you'll spread your wings [and you'll take to the sky]
[Set after THIS. Tessa is ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bound_byfate, Sam is likely_evil, everyone else is an NPC. Goddamnit, Dean. Beginning dialogue is from above ficlet.]
“I know that you aren’t my daddy and mommy... but I want you to be. Daddies and Mommies take care of their kids, and I’m your kid.”
“Yer not takin’ dat away from yer bra’ther, my love. Johnny always be rememberin’ him. But you really are his daddy now. No harm in ‘im callin’ you dat.”
“If you really want to.”
“I love you, Daddy.”
The scene blurred in front of him and he tried his best to swallow it back, but he couldn’t. He knew that he should be happy for his brother. He knew that he should have seen this coming. But it didn’t stop the sucker punch to the gut that came with hearing your son refer to someone else as their father. What made it worse was that he understood it. Understood it more than he would have liked. Dean was dead. Gone. He wasn’t in Johnny’s life and he never had been, not beyond those first few months that he was sure the boy couldn’t even remember. Dean wasn’t anything more than a story Sam told Johnny to try and get him to sleep on nights when he couldn’t.
Sam was Johnny’s father. It was only fair that he should get the title to go with it.
It didn’t stop it from hurting any less, though. In fact, it hurt far more than he thought it would, ripping through him like one of Alastair’s knives had all those years ago, and he knew that was far from the allusion he wanted, but it was the most accurate one to come to mind. He wasn’t needed anymore. His family didn’t need him anymore. They would get along okay all on their own. He had been dead for a while now, and it would be assumed that he knew this already , but he didn’t. Not really. This moment right in front of him was the first time in six years that he actually saw it.
“This was a wedding, wasn’t it?” the voice came from behind him. “Shouldn’t those be tears of joy?”
Dean moved a hand up to his face, swiping at the tracks under his eyes as he fired back an answer, not bothering to even look at her. Tessa always seemed to know when he was lying, and he was about to deflect in a pretty big way. “Who says they’re not? My brother just got married.”
“You and I both know that’s not true, Dean,” she said softly, a hand coming over to rest on his shoulder. He leaned back into it—not so much the hand, but the presence behind him. The strength. Tessa was stronger than he was, and she had been with him through a lot. And now he seemed to need her again, and it wasn’t fair, but she never really complained. “I think I’ve been around long enough to know a broken heart when I see one.”
“I didn’t think it would be now.” He replied softly, watching as Johnny ran off in the direction of his grandmother, and Sam and Desiree went off on their own. “I didn’t think it would be here. I knew it would happen eventually, but I didn’t—” He was finding it hard to catch his breath, which was odd, because he knew he didn’t breathe, but the instinct was still there. The tight vice on his chest and the tears continued to fall, and he felt like such an ass because he couldn’t fucking stop it. It wasn’t supposed to hurt this much. It shouldn’t hurt this much. “—I have to let them go now, don’t I?”
Tessa was quiet for a minute, before letting her hand move down and slide into his, squeezing his hand softly as she did. “You always had to let them go, Dean. Now you just have more of a reason to.”
“I don’t want to.” The admission was quiet, Dean wasn’t even sure if it was audible, but it was enough that she could hear it and start to pull him away, hand warm and comforting in his.
“No one ever does.” He followed her, one foot moving behind the other, but his eyes were still on the house, this place. Home. But it wasn’t his home anymore. Hadn’t been for a long time. Tessa paused just on the edge of the bayou, giving him a sympathetic look as she brushed a hand through his hair. “Don’t worry. You’ll be back. You know that.”
He did. He had seen it through the entire ceremony, in the ways that a reaper could. Two years, maybe a little more, maybe a little less, and it wasn’t something he was looking forward to exactly, but it was something. It meant that letting go didn’t mean he’d have to stay away forever. He nodded, swiping a hand across his face one last time, and looking down at the wetness collected there.
“Dude, when did I turn into such a girl?”
Tessa shook her head with a bit of an eye roll, before giving Dean a warm smile. “Want to say goodbye?”
He paused for a moment, before shaking his head slightly. “No. I’m okay.” Not even close, actually, but for now, for this particular moment in time, he was fine. Right now, he didn’t have a reason to say goodbye.
They’d already done it for him.
899 words
bound_byfate, Sam is likely_evil, everyone else is an NPC. Goddamnit, Dean. Beginning dialogue is from above ficlet.]“I know that you aren’t my daddy and mommy... but I want you to be. Daddies and Mommies take care of their kids, and I’m your kid.”
“Yer not takin’ dat away from yer bra’ther, my love. Johnny always be rememberin’ him. But you really are his daddy now. No harm in ‘im callin’ you dat.”
“If you really want to.”
“I love you, Daddy.”
The scene blurred in front of him and he tried his best to swallow it back, but he couldn’t. He knew that he should be happy for his brother. He knew that he should have seen this coming. But it didn’t stop the sucker punch to the gut that came with hearing your son refer to someone else as their father. What made it worse was that he understood it. Understood it more than he would have liked. Dean was dead. Gone. He wasn’t in Johnny’s life and he never had been, not beyond those first few months that he was sure the boy couldn’t even remember. Dean wasn’t anything more than a story Sam told Johnny to try and get him to sleep on nights when he couldn’t.
Sam was Johnny’s father. It was only fair that he should get the title to go with it.
It didn’t stop it from hurting any less, though. In fact, it hurt far more than he thought it would, ripping through him like one of Alastair’s knives had all those years ago, and he knew that was far from the allusion he wanted, but it was the most accurate one to come to mind. He wasn’t needed anymore. His family didn’t need him anymore. They would get along okay all on their own. He had been dead for a while now, and it would be assumed that he knew this already , but he didn’t. Not really. This moment right in front of him was the first time in six years that he actually saw it.
“This was a wedding, wasn’t it?” the voice came from behind him. “Shouldn’t those be tears of joy?”
Dean moved a hand up to his face, swiping at the tracks under his eyes as he fired back an answer, not bothering to even look at her. Tessa always seemed to know when he was lying, and he was about to deflect in a pretty big way. “Who says they’re not? My brother just got married.”
“You and I both know that’s not true, Dean,” she said softly, a hand coming over to rest on his shoulder. He leaned back into it—not so much the hand, but the presence behind him. The strength. Tessa was stronger than he was, and she had been with him through a lot. And now he seemed to need her again, and it wasn’t fair, but she never really complained. “I think I’ve been around long enough to know a broken heart when I see one.”
“I didn’t think it would be now.” He replied softly, watching as Johnny ran off in the direction of his grandmother, and Sam and Desiree went off on their own. “I didn’t think it would be here. I knew it would happen eventually, but I didn’t—” He was finding it hard to catch his breath, which was odd, because he knew he didn’t breathe, but the instinct was still there. The tight vice on his chest and the tears continued to fall, and he felt like such an ass because he couldn’t fucking stop it. It wasn’t supposed to hurt this much. It shouldn’t hurt this much. “—I have to let them go now, don’t I?”
Tessa was quiet for a minute, before letting her hand move down and slide into his, squeezing his hand softly as she did. “You always had to let them go, Dean. Now you just have more of a reason to.”
“I don’t want to.” The admission was quiet, Dean wasn’t even sure if it was audible, but it was enough that she could hear it and start to pull him away, hand warm and comforting in his.
“No one ever does.” He followed her, one foot moving behind the other, but his eyes were still on the house, this place. Home. But it wasn’t his home anymore. Hadn’t been for a long time. Tessa paused just on the edge of the bayou, giving him a sympathetic look as she brushed a hand through his hair. “Don’t worry. You’ll be back. You know that.”
He did. He had seen it through the entire ceremony, in the ways that a reaper could. Two years, maybe a little more, maybe a little less, and it wasn’t something he was looking forward to exactly, but it was something. It meant that letting go didn’t mean he’d have to stay away forever. He nodded, swiping a hand across his face one last time, and looking down at the wetness collected there.
“Dude, when did I turn into such a girl?”
Tessa shook her head with a bit of an eye roll, before giving Dean a warm smile. “Want to say goodbye?”
He paused for a moment, before shaking his head slightly. “No. I’m okay.” Not even close, actually, but for now, for this particular moment in time, he was fine. Right now, he didn’t have a reason to say goodbye.
They’d already done it for him.
899 words