Dean Winchester (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hasperkynipples) wrote2009-04-24 12:55 am
hasperkynipples) wrote2009-04-24 12:55 am
[SR] The Notebook quote
[Anna = ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
absit_omens. Refers to THIS.]
“You know I want to give you everything you want. But I can't. It's broken.”
Sam was right.
Bottom line, hunting was a life. You gave yourself to it, heart and soul, and once you were in, there was no going out again. There was no normal life, there was no happily ever after. Dean knew that. It’d been drilled into him by John since the day he started getting trained to do this, and while he’d always held on to the hope that maybe, one day, he’d get the chance to have something of his own, he was even more sure of the fact that he was never going to have that now.
It wasn’t a matter of not wanting it. In fact, that was furthest from the truth. He wanted to give her everything she wanted. He wanted to be that guy for her, the one who didn’t have his head so far up his ass that he couldn’t see what was in front of him, and he knew for the most part he had been. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was that he had to do his job. He had to save the friggin’ world, and while he would love to shove it off on someone else, this had to be his cross to bear. Him with his Hell memories and dependency issues, and brother with the demon blood.
He needed to keep his head on straight. He needed to have his priorities, because if he didn’t focus on this, everybody died. Everybody. And Dean couldn’t have the kind of weight on his conscience. He couldn’t allow himself to be distracted, and because he couldn’t have that, certain things had to be sacrificed, and one of those things, unfortunately, wound up being Anna. He didn’t feel good about it, but that was the truth.
This whole case with Adam only confirmed that he had done the right thing. Winchesters weren’t allowed to have nice things. That had been proved to him time and time again, and these days it was starting to be driven in more like nails into his back. This isn’t about you—this isn’t about you—this isn’t about you— Each event was another reminder that these days he wasn’t much more than a tool, a means to an end. He was the one that had to stop this, and because he had to stop it, he wasn’t allowed to have anything else. Which is why he knew, deep down, that he had made the right choice.
He needed to keep her safe, no matter how much she may have hated him for it.
It was a few days later, and Sam was better, back up on his feet again. Anna had said she would stay for that long, and once it happened, he found her packing her bag so that he could take her to the airport. He was only in the doorway for a moment, watching her as she moved about the room before speaking up softly, getting himself ready to say goodbye.
“Ready to go?”
501 words
absit_omens. Refers to THIS.]“You know I want to give you everything you want. But I can't. It's broken.”
Sam was right.
Bottom line, hunting was a life. You gave yourself to it, heart and soul, and once you were in, there was no going out again. There was no normal life, there was no happily ever after. Dean knew that. It’d been drilled into him by John since the day he started getting trained to do this, and while he’d always held on to the hope that maybe, one day, he’d get the chance to have something of his own, he was even more sure of the fact that he was never going to have that now.
It wasn’t a matter of not wanting it. In fact, that was furthest from the truth. He wanted to give her everything she wanted. He wanted to be that guy for her, the one who didn’t have his head so far up his ass that he couldn’t see what was in front of him, and he knew for the most part he had been. That wasn’t the problem. The problem was that he had to do his job. He had to save the friggin’ world, and while he would love to shove it off on someone else, this had to be his cross to bear. Him with his Hell memories and dependency issues, and brother with the demon blood.
He needed to keep his head on straight. He needed to have his priorities, because if he didn’t focus on this, everybody died. Everybody. And Dean couldn’t have the kind of weight on his conscience. He couldn’t allow himself to be distracted, and because he couldn’t have that, certain things had to be sacrificed, and one of those things, unfortunately, wound up being Anna. He didn’t feel good about it, but that was the truth.
This whole case with Adam only confirmed that he had done the right thing. Winchesters weren’t allowed to have nice things. That had been proved to him time and time again, and these days it was starting to be driven in more like nails into his back. This isn’t about you—this isn’t about you—this isn’t about you— Each event was another reminder that these days he wasn’t much more than a tool, a means to an end. He was the one that had to stop this, and because he had to stop it, he wasn’t allowed to have anything else. Which is why he knew, deep down, that he had made the right choice.
He needed to keep her safe, no matter how much she may have hated him for it.
It was a few days later, and Sam was better, back up on his feet again. Anna had said she would stay for that long, and once it happened, he found her packing her bag so that he could take her to the airport. He was only in the doorway for a moment, watching her as she moved about the room before speaking up softly, getting himself ready to say goodbye.
“Ready to go?”
501 words